Christian Divorce - What I wish I’d Known About Counseling

Recently I went through an unbiblical divorce, and it was not what I wanted.

The process was painful, destructive, and at times even disorientating.

I was married for 16 years, and there was a time, when I was given the opportunity to pursue couples counseling. I passed on it. I thought, all of our issues are common and not severe. We can work through it.

Pride rears its invisible head in innocuous ways. Quick decisions made out of convenience can prevent critical repairs to the foundation.

Was it pride or overconfidence?

Probably a little of both.

Sadly, later, as our relationship slipped further, I asked for counseling, and she was beyond wanting to work on this.

Divorce is not God’s plan. As Jesus said, Moses allowed divorce “because of your hardness of heart,” but “from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8).

Hardened hearts, against God and against each other, can really block God’s best.

I was unaware of the strong feelings she kept inside. Perhaps if we had sat down with a neutral counselor, those issues could have been worked through.

She thought that every time she brought up the issues, we went round and round with no resolution. She felt trapped, and the only way out she could see was divorce. She charted a path without me.

A great time for couples counseling is when things are good. You can try out a few counselors and find one you both agree on. Never settle for a counselor who tends to take one side over the other. Both spouses need to feel supported and heard.

I might have been spared great suffering, if I had been more open to couples counseling.